I Admit...for Bad or for Good

I thought that I didn't care.... that I could leave it behind...
We all have strange conversations with our friends.... and I always said that by seeing other points of views anyone could change their minds and their opinions... I just didn't realized that I could change my opinion too...
Everything happens for a reason right?!?... but I never understand it.... GOD help me to see...


After rewind some conversations I realized and I admit...
-that when I talk to you... it's not 100% like I thought it was...
-that when I see you... I keep trying to look for more...
-that when I think about you... I try not to do it... to avoid a numerous things...
-that when I somehow listen to your voice... I think that you won't be easy to forget... like I thought I did when I said.... I had...

The truth... for bad your for good is that I still feel the same old way...I didn't thought I still did... I feel just like I felt at the begining... If you were wonderind...

Rethinking sometimes is a good thing other times is a bad thing because it leads us to do some stuff that we probably will regret or not... but this time I'm not sure which one to pick... good or bad..??!!??

It's your fault that I have been thinking about it... you probably should've choose to agrre with me... now I'm like this... sayng and writing nonsense things...

GOD help me to be in your way... not going for short cuts or easy ways... I want your way... you love in my life... do it by your will.... ;D

YOUR LIPS...

Sometimes when we are frustated we say things we dont mean to.... and then we end up regreting each of the words prenounced by our lips... words without any meaning inside ...
It wasnt intirelly my fault... i was counting on you somehow and you let myself down...couldn't be indifferent ... if we ever decided to be friends i was not the only one to allow it ... it was so fast ... so sudden ...it was unbearable ... couldn't stand without saying anything ...
I'm relivied that i let it all out... I do still want you back... because above all... you are an amazing friend... and an amazing person... that cares about people...
I wish that some moments could last forever...
The last things that i've been praying for... is your lips whispering my name... just to say a simple and warm "hello" ...just to me... to anyone else...

Good now...

I'm glad that we are good now...
It was difficult for me to admit it... sometimes only we have to do is to let ourselfs out... and talk with our fellings... something that i'm not used to... 'cause later or soon i know that it might come against me and hurt me... so i guess i prefer playing safe... and sometimes that's not always the best thing to do...
I'm happy to know that you do missed it too...to know that you didn't understand "why?" as much as i didn't... all i needed to know was what you thought about all this little... but at the same time... big thing... i liked to hear that you "don't know why you stopped..."... cause like you said you stopped not me
Even if its hard to me to say... i was crushed... i was sad... and then i tried to be ok with it but until today that was impossible... but still i always managed to said that "i'm fine"...
I dont want to be like that ever again...
I will keep on praying... GOD knows what He want.... so i live it up to Him...

"La vie en rose"...

You have heard everything from me but have you ever really listen what I was saying?... you are so busy trying to let go that you don’t even remember what you didn’t want to have anymore…

I let you know so much about me… I don’t regret it but if I could, I would go back words… I think now that “c’est la vie” and not always is “en rose”… I for once let myself go and now I can’t take it back…

Sometimes it’s hard to believe that there’s always going to be a change… for bad or for good? ... we never know…

I miss you being my friend… not just a friend a good friend… a friend that I could talk to without caring about the rest of the world…

You will never get by me and turn out to be nothing or just one more person in the same street as me… which means that I will never forget, not like you did…

Every time you say something I love what I feel… even though that it might mean nothing… I, for some reason, get happy, afraid, excited, unsure… because I never know if is the last time you talk to me…

You pushed me out… and even though it seems I’m okay with it… I’m not… I need to get in… you make me be myself… but now I’m pretending to be fine…

Can you....??

Can you forget? I can't... Can you feel me? I’m so close to your heart… Can you hear me? In the silence I scream your name saying that I love you… Can you breathe? I can’t, because I know that I’ll never ever have you again… Can you kiss me? I won’t let you… Can you see me? I can, if close my eyes, and I doubt that you can! ... CAN YOU REMEMBER ME AGAIN?....

LAST KISS... LAST MOMENT...

I was naive to think that it wasn't going to be a last kiss...

What was missing in the end was the actually last kiss... a specific kiss that was never given... a kiss that would mark THE END of something great... a kiss that would've given me the memory of the last day that we loved each other... just like a goodbye...

I still remember the FIRST kiss... all I wanted now was the LAST kiss... the last moment... the last talk... the last hug...the last move of my lips saying your name... the last tear dropping down your face... the last beat of your heart for me... the last bit of feeling  for me as US...

Knowing that i could still be your friend... was the most exciting thing... after all we had been trough.... but you let me down... you ran away... you were afraid to face the situation...you just couldn't handle the fact that I was completly fine with it...

I just wanted a true FINISH... I'm not saying that I still have hope in "the" us... which I don't have... I just think that both of us would deserve that...

If this were a movie you would be here for that... you would be just my friend... and for that I'm still waiting...

GOD will do his work in it's own time... I know for sure that HE will be faithful to me... and that HE will do his will in my life and that's what I want... despite of the obstacles.... despite having to let some parts of my life go...

Tired...Happy...

One day i will get so mad and i will forget the consequences... forget your reaction... your opinion... i will put myself out there...and scream at you so hard about everything..... about what ever is left unsaid.... about everything and nothing... i'm going to say non-sense  things...tired of taking  everything to myself...
Besides all i'm super hiper mega happy....GOD does everything in it's own time....HE knows what needs to be done...
The only thing that i know for sure about the future is that.... i will keep on serving GOD...
I dont deserve you or your love and you are still by my side protecting me and taking care of me...
I can not thank you enough my LORD.... YOU never let me down....
LOVE YOU GOD <3